A Day in the Glamorous Life of Lexx

LexxieWe creatives have perfect lives. We get up in the morning and make ourselves a cup of French roast coffee, then sit down in our underwear and blissfully pound out 5,000 golden words in our next masterpiece. By that time it’s just past lunch so that we can get together with our other glamorous friends to plot and discuss our last six-figure royalty check. Finally, dinner rolls around and we order something fabulous to go with the expensive bottle of chardonnay we’ve been chilling.

You know that’s bullshit, right?

No kittens, I’m afraid it isn’t like that at all. Most people in any creative field will tell you that this life isn’t for the faint of heart. You’ll likely never be super-famous. You’ll likely never be completely financially stable. Most of us have day jobs and obligations and soccer practices just like everyone else. To prove it to you, I’ve compiled a little glimpse into a day with Lexx.

7:30am: My alarm goes off for the final time after my husband Tally has attempted to beat it to death. I roll out of bed and into the bathtub. Mind you, this is the bathtub with the hole we’ve been fixing with epoxy for two years.

8:30am: I clock in at my dayjob as the jury coordinator for my county. That’s right, when you get pulled for jury duty, I’m the one you call and shout at. I begin answering calls with fairly lame excuses almost as soon as I walk in the door, in addition to helping folks with their court-related questions (What time is court? I forgot to pay this traffic ticket from two years ago and now they want to suspend my license. How much is my fine? I got served with a paper that I’m going to be coy and mysterious about so that you have to guess how to help me.). I put in my eight hour day at work. In between I try to get some words down (usually about 1000) and take care of marketing stuff (newsletter, social media, organizing events, researching ad space, writing blog posts– guess where I’m writing this).

5:00pm: I get home finally. Unless I have some other stuff planned (writers’ group “shenanigans” is on Thursdays, friends’ book signings, etc.), I try to sit down and decompress a little. I read books that I’m reviewing or beta reading, read for pleasure, play with my dog, peruse Facebook, or even nap.

6:00pm: The dear husband gets home and we cook dinner, do some laundry, clean up a bit, and finally manage to sit down and eat something.

7:00pm- 12:00am: I write, or try to write. That is not to say that I don’t get distracted. I have some shows I watch faithfully and often livetweet (@LexxxChristian on Twitter if you’re interested), but I try to write on either my WIP or sometimes blog posts if I need to catch up. I sometimes use this time to load up Hootsuite or create graphics for promotion.

When my day is done, I often drift off to sleep thinking about all the writing projects that I didn’t finish.

The point of all this is: don’t go into writing or any other artistic field thinking that it’s going to be an easy way to make money. Trust me, it isn’t. This dayjob is what pays my bills. I write because I love it. I write because I need to get the words out. I write because I need to escape. It isn’t glamorous, but it’s what I was born to do.

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Just Sluts with Pens

me and amy (2)Hello, denizens of the Interwebs!  It’s been a while since we chatted and I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath to see what I had to say next.  Well wait no more, here I am!  Well, it’s going to be an exciting Springtime for the old girl. Why, you ask?  Well, tomorrow 3/19/2014, I have a new release coming from Ellora’s Cave and, wonder of wonders, it’s my first novel length work with them!  It’s also my first foray into erotic horror with them, so we’ll see what happens.  So keep watch tomorrow for excerpts, blurbs and just general squee-ing.  I’ve also written a little article called “Velocirapture, the Rise of Crypto Porn” that will be featured in Jamais Vu– Journal of the Strange Among the Familiar, Issue 2.  It’s snarky and fun and I do hope that you’ll like it.

Well, with all that in the works, you’re probably wondering about the title of my little blog today.  Yes, I’m afraid another rant is coming your way.  I know you’ve missed them.  At any rate, yesterday I heard that some romance authors in my area were approached about a reality show that is set to focus on romance writers.  Now, I’m sure that what’s being pitched is a show that would feature “The Writer’s Life.”  But think about it, people.  Many of you reading this blog right now know that “the writer’s life” in actuality would probably not make a good reality show.  Watching me go to my day job, trying to write a sex scene in between answering the phone to say things like “no, I cannot excuse you from jury duty because you have an infected toenail.”  Sitting for hours on the couch with my dog, trying to write but instead succumbing to the swansong of Pinterest and Facebook.  Knowing that I need to write the next chapter of my novel when really all I want to do is write more Sherlock fanfiction.  Staring at a blank piece of paper while I sip yet another cup of tea.  These things would not be intriguing to the general public.  This is not glamorous.  Which makes me wonder– what is the show really going to be about?  I don’t know, but I have some guesses.

It may be because I’m jaded or because I’ve gotten the “oh, you write romance” look far too often.  You know the one.  The one that says 1) Romance novels… that’s not like real writing and 2) You must be a freak in bed!  But I’m very skeptical. I have visions of romance novelists being represented as desperate housewives who are writing up their sexual misadventures with the plumber.  I’m seeing camera crews following authors to conventions where they only manage to catch the parts where we’re sitting in the bar after a day of panels, knocking back some margaritas.  Maybe producers encouraging said authors to dance on tables while having lipstick lesbian encounters with other members of their caste.  Or worse, romance novelists being portrayed as frustrated librarians who can’t get boyfriends writing about their fantasies of watching homosexual couples whipping each other with riding crops.

Hellsong_EC

NEW RELEASE!

In short, I’m afraid that reality television would perpetuate the myth that romance authors are “just sluts with pens.” Reality television isn’t solely to blame, of course.   After all, I have no idea if the show has even been greenlit.  I do spend an awful lot of time on Twitter and Facebook and see an awful lot of authors that, while talented, are so desperate to be noticed that they’re glad to project that slutty image (by the way, if you’re an author and my Facebook friend– I’m not referring to you) just to get attention.  Here’s a pro tip:  if your profile picture on Facebook shows you either A:  half dressed with your tits jacked to Jesus, or B:  wearing a collar and sucking a riding crop,  chances are folks aren’t interested in you for your books. And you’re degrading yourself and the rest of us who consider ourselves artists.  Those of us who work hard every day to craft a story that we can be proud of.  A story that is worthy of our readers.

Just a thought.

Coming up tomorrow:  A new release!  And a blog post entitled:  “If the words “dripping wet love hole” appear in your book, it’s probably not erotica.”