Toil and Trouble: American Horror Story, Coven

american-horror-story-coven-2So last night was the most eagerly anticipated season premiere in my house this year–at least until Sherlock S3 begins– American Horror Story: Coven.  And you guys just knew I’d be here today to blab about it.  I’ll try not to give to many spoilers, but be warned– there might be some.  If you have no idea what’s going on, let me explain.  No, there is too much– let me sum up:  Jessica Lange and Sarah Paulson are a mother-daughter witch team that have a school for teenage witches in New Orleans.  Kathy Bates, seen in flashbacks and in other instances I can’t talk about without spoiling, is the infamous antebellum murderess Madame Delphine LaLaurie.  If you don’t know her– look her up.  Truth is stranger than fiction, babies.  Angela Basett is of course, Marie Laveau, the baddest witch in town with a whole bag of gris-gris to unleash on those who would cross her.

Let me start by saying that they really couldn’t lose this season with their casting.  In addition to our favorites from previous seasons, adding Bates and Basset was no less than a stroke of genius on the parts of Murphy and Falchuk.  They prove in the first installment that it is possible to make a character that is truly evil the coolest cat in the room.  As “the southern belle from Hell” I can also say, with authority, that Kathy Bates does an excellent southern accent.  Lily Rabe’s “Misty Day” pales frightfully in comparison.  But I can overlook it, I suppose.  Emma Roberts playing Lindsay Lohan is mildly entertaining, but I do hope that she can handle the acting chops its going to take to stand alongside Taissa Farmiga, Gabourey Sidibe and Jamie Brewer (her witch sisters).

Most of you know me as a writer of erotic fiction– romantic, paranormal and horror.  Sex is my trade.  So that should give you some sense of the gravity of my next statement.  I, personally, am done with the shocking sex scene for shocking sex scene’s sake with AHS.  Yeah, we get it.  We’re showing explicit sexual content at 10pm on a regular cable network.  Ain’t we cool, ain’t we edgy?  Yeah.  You were.  In 2011.  Now it’s just getting tired.  I’m all for showing explicit sex whenever and wherever you want as long as its integral to the plot.  Seeing how many ugly ways we can do it in how many weird scenarios is just boring at this point.  There was one scene in particular, that I won’t mention because I don’t want to give spoilers and have people yelling at me in the comments, that I just felt was unnecessary.  The plot could have moved on without it and we had already seen the power of Zoe’s Black Magic Pussy in the first scene.  I actually prefer the explicit violence to unnecessary sex scenes that are put in there just to make us titter and say “oh no she din’t!”

Now that the criticisms are out of the way, I will say that I love it!  This is no surprise to anyone.  I’m a huge fan of the twisted, hardcore horror that AHS offers.  The scripts are well written, smart and positively wicked.  As I’ve always said, the strength of a good horror story is the characters.  Coven, like the previous two seasons, is rich in really interesting characters.  Even the most evil are amazing to watch.  I want to know more about them and even though I’m watching them commit these twisted acts of cruelty, I want to keep watching to see what’s going to happen next.  Yep, I’m lookin’ at you, Ms. Bates.  Also, the fact that Southern Gothic is becoming a big deal is awesome!!  But that’s a whole blog by itself.  Stay tuned.

Like Jerry Springer with his “Final Thought,” let me leave you with a wrap up entitled “Lexxx’s Favorite Things About Episode 1, in no particular order:”

1.  I love watching rapists get burned up in buses.  Little bastards deserved it.

2.  Jessica Lange’s dance number that ends in her sucking the life out of the doctor. Now that’s my kind of witch.

3.  Kathy Bates. Kathy Bates. Kathy Bates. Oh wait… does that count as three things?

4.  The “Coming Soon” montage at the end.  This season is going to be amazing.  I can’t wait ’til next Wednesday!!!

Alright, kids.  Now it’s time for your two cents.  Feel free to disagree with me if you like.  Just remember, we’re raised mean in the south….