50 Shades of WTF?!: An Ending, or Why My Closet Door Now Has a Hole

I’m going to start off by saying that I’m going to try really hard not to give out any spoilers.  People have told me that since reading my blog, they are going to read50 Shades after all.  And despite my mischiveous nature, I don’t want to spoil it for them.  All I will say, kittens, is that E.L. James is damn lucky she wasn’t at my house last night.  Picture it…. Lexxx’s bathroom… 10pm….

I’m sitting in the bath where I have been for an hour, desperately trying to finish this damn book.  Little known fact about Lexxx– when I’m writing, I’m a pitifully slow reader.  I’m cheering as Christian seems to be doing all the right things.  Our heroine seems to be coming out of the fog of stupidity a little and acting like a grown up.  And then… things take a turn for the worse.  I’m screaming, “Clam up, stupid bitch!” And watching as her and that idiotic, naiive little inner voice completely ruin everything.  And then I’m completely and utterly enraged by the herky-jerky change in mood, the cowardice.. just… the pitiful non-ending.  Finally in a show of unadulterated anger I threw the book against the bathroom closet door.

Don’t worry… I felt this way at the end of The Fellowship of the Ring.

Anyway, if I say anymore there will be spoilers, so let’s move right to the contest.  That’s right… I said it– CONTEST!  Ever play that game Beyond Balderdash?  We’re gonna play something like that.  My friends and I have been laughing coming up with ridiculous names that spoof 50 Shades.  So here’s the deal… you guys post a comment that tells your spoof name and a brief synopsis of the book (100 words or so).  Make it funny and believeable.  Oh and don’t forget that all important email addy.  Myself and a committee (I’ll draft Crymsyn Hart and Siobhan Kincade) will choose the best one and post the winner HERE on Friday, 6/23.  The winner can CHOOSE any of my current releases to receive in their inboxes as a gift from the Southern Belle herself.  Sounds fun don’t it? Here’s an example….

50 Shades of Grey and Zombies:  Ana is a shy college girl, inept and awkward until the day she meets Christian Grey.  In a bizarre twist of fate, her friend begs her to do an interview with the mysterious and beautiful CEO.  Just as she blurts out, “Are you gay, Mr. Grey?”  an alarm goes off and suddenly they’re thrust into a fight for survival as zombies overtake the office building.  Little does Ana know that Mr. Grey has a panic room downstairs that also serves as a Dungeon of Desire.  Soon Ana finds herself surrendering to his erotic whims in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.

Get the idea?  So get to writin’!  I can’t wait to hear those blurbs!  And I will be posting them and giggling on facebook!



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