Fifty Shades of WTF!!??! Pt. 4— This Time It’s Personal

Sorry it’s been so long since the last 50 Shades post, but I was a bit busy.  I’m always so ambitious about blogging and writing during Con weekends, but I never manage to get around to it.  Anyhow, I dutifully finished my chapter tonight and am now ready to release all my feelings about it.  And there are quite a few, so I won’t tarry.

Today I’ll start with what I did like about the chapter.  Once again, Christian’s character doesn’t fail to disappoint.  The author does a great job of making us swoon for Grey even as Bella.. I mean, Ana… yeah.. Ana…is drooling over him.  I really  like his reactions to Ana.  Definitely the reaction all us girls would like to get from our men.  Not afraid to show his pleasure.  I liked that.  I also liked how believeable, for once, Ana was the morning after.  That’s exactly what I would have done– gone into his kitchen and made breakfast for myself.  Though I’d probably never cook in a stranger’s kitchen, but I thought it was a nice little segue.

But enough of that…on to my WTF?! moments…

The chapter opens the morning after her first sexual experience with Grey… or with anyone for that matter.  It follows the traditional pattern until she starts talking about her “bathroom needs.”  That just made me go eeeww… We really didn’t need to know about that.  At least not in the same paragraph where she was talking about how beautiful and sexy Grey is.

I thought the general concept of a sexy mutual bath was pretty good, but I had some logistical issues.  In fact, they bothered me so much that I had to ask my guy friends about it.  Unless Grey is in the Guiness Book of World Records– if he’s sitting in a tub, wouldn’t his cock be submerged in the water?  And assuming it was… if she went down on him… she’d drown.  “Oh my, Mr. Grey… glug glug glug.”  The end.  Maybe I didn’t read it correctly, but I’m not sure that this scene was physically possible.  And the part where he used the pigtails as handlebars just made me laugh out loud.

We had a few more disturbing instances of Ana’s inner voices.  This time it was the Inner Goddess dancing the merengue with salsa moves that kind of got to me.  These little descriptors would be fine and even entertaining in one isolated spot, but she uses this over and over and over.  We had more “oh my”s and “down there”s and it seemed to just infuriate me each time.  I should lighten up a bit.

Anyway, stay tuned for tomorrow’s installment of WTF?!!s.  Smoke may actually come out of my ears.  So last time, I closed with a little piece of my latest novel, Beast of Burden.  This time I figured, since this chapter of 50 Shades was all about oral, I’d give a little bit of oral education from my first novel Hellsong.


She sat back on her heels and pulled the opening wider until he heard the seam give way. He was dazed as he raised his body again, letting her draw the pants over his hip and down. Her smile changed to something more primal as she stared down at his sex, now fully exposed. He could tell she was impressed by the unabashed way she gasped and stared down at it. Like the rest of him, it was perfect in its construction, carved from what could only be marble from the floor of Heaven. His skin was pale and unblemished, warm to the touch, nearly burning.

He watched as she ran her fingertips over the length, as if trying to memorize each nuance of flesh. He groaned, inviting her kisses and she obliged, dipping her head low and curiously pressing her lips to a spot just above his sex. He groaned again and she lingered on the spot, trilling the tip of her tongue in agonizingly slow circles. He could feel the blood rushing just under the skin and, for the first time in recent memory, he felt alive. She pulled back, hovering over him and breathing moist air against his skin. “I promise to spare your soul,” she whispered before devouring his sex completely.


I won’t keep going, as then there would be no point, but be sure to check out this and all my other works on Amazon, AllRomance Ebooks, B&, Bookstrand and anyplace where quality eBooks are sold.

Happy reading!

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